When it's so damn hard to let go. . .

Sorry for the dust around here, people. I had one heck of a month, actually I think that is really an understatement. Let's see. . two vaccays, a trip up to visit my-then-very-ill grandma, an ambulance ride, 6 hours at the Flu Screening Center and another 18 biting my nails at home waiting for the H1N1 virus lab result, then the text came in. It was from my dad, letting me know that 'Mother' left us.

How do you reply to such text messages? A plethora of "what ifs" and 'I should've" went through my mind. But I know, there is nothing I can do to bring her back. My heart broke into a million little pieces.

Yes, she was over 90yrs old. Yes, I didn't live with her. Yes, I won't be the one having to take care of her day in and out had she survive the failing kidney, infections and what nots. But she was the last grandparent I had, I used to go back to her during the weekends when I was in school. Thus, it's so damn hard to let go.

I want to remember, and I'm glad my father and uncle wanted the same thing and I had the chance to shoot the funeral. I didn't manage super awesome shots, and I didn't get many photos. But what I do get, matters.

I'm sharing one here, the rest are for our family.



I will be back, we will all be okay, I promise. My heart will heal, I know that. I just want to share this part of my life with all of you. Hard as it is, I'm letting her go.

Just give me some time. . .

Mother, I will miss you, always.