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Monday, June 29, 2009

When it's so damn hard to let go. . .

Sorry for the dust around here, people. I had one heck of a month, actually I think that is really an understatement. Let's see. . two vaccays, a trip up to visit my-then-very-ill grandma, an ambulance ride, 6 hours at the Flu Screening Center and another 18 biting my nails at home waiting for the H1N1 virus lab result, then the text came in. It was from my dad, letting me know that 'Mother' left us.

How do you reply to such text messages? A plethora of "what ifs" and 'I should've" went through my mind. But I know, there is nothing I can do to bring her back. My heart broke into a million little pieces.

Yes, she was over 90yrs old. Yes, I didn't live with her. Yes, I won't be the one having to take care of her day in and out had she survive the failing kidney, infections and what nots. But she was the last grandparent I had, I used to go back to her during the weekends when I was in school. Thus, it's so damn hard to let go.

I want to remember, and I'm glad my father and uncle wanted the same thing and I had the chance to shoot the funeral. I didn't manage super awesome shots, and I didn't get many photos. But what I do get, matters.

I'm sharing one here, the rest are for our family.

Mother - 26.6.09

I will be back, we will all be okay, I promise. My heart will heal, I know that. I just want to share this part of my life with all of you. Hard as it is, I'm letting her go.

Just give me some time. . .

Mother, I will miss you, always.

50 comments :

Nat said...

I'm sending you a big big hug! I'm thinking of you!

Blue Banana said...

Sorry to hear about your mil. Hugs to you, keeping you and your fmaily in prayers!

domestic goddess said...

oh hun, i had feared the worst, and I am so sorry for your loss, sending my love and condolences to you all
xxxx

deana said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hugs ♥...

Lucy Edson said...

So sorry for your loss, Sasha. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

Maryangella said...

My dear Sasha, so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. Big hugs. Take care of yourself.

Davinie said...

I'm sending you a hug, my sweet friend. I am so sorry for your loss.

BeeBopp23 said...

I never know what to say when somebody is hurting so much, especially after losing someone so dear...but know that I have you and your family in my thoughts and I will keep you in my prayers.

Coochies & All said...

I am so sorry for your loss S - stay strong and big warm hugs to you. I'm here if you need anything. :)
elaine t

Christine said...

Oh Sasha sweetie, I'm so very sorry for you and your family. You take care of yourself.

Ayesha said...

hey girl sending thoughts and prayers your way wish i could be there with you through this difficult time xoxoxox

Aihara Ramintessah Sanchez said...

Darlin, I will pray for you.Take all the time to pour your emotions and when you find your way back here again...we will always be here to give you a big hugs! Sending you lots of love hun. Prayers for you and for your family!

Denise said...

Sasha I am so sorry.
Thinking of you and wishing you comfort and healing.
x/o
Denise

Life Made Creations said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You can't rush the healing--take all the time you need Hoping you find comfort in your memories of her.

Hugs
~Michelle

Carla said...

I'm sorry for your loss. You know how much we're all thinking of you!

Jill said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. Take care.

milkcan said...

Sasha, I'm thinking of you and your family. So sorry to hear about your loss. ((((Hugs!))))

Christiane said...

you're in my thoughts, sasha!!
i'm sorry for your loss and know exactly your feelings. my grandmother went to the other side in december - 103 years old.
hugs to you, sweetie!!

Ingrid said...

My Grandma died last month so i feel for you, Sasha ! I'm so very sorry for your loss ! Take care of you and your family !

Condolences,
Ingrid

Lean said...

Hello first i want to give you my condolences and sorry for loss.
And i want to thank you for your kind words on my blog.
Greetings from Holland,Lean

Ingvild Bolme (Spinnvild) said...

Ooohh.. I'm so sad to hear this, I condolence. I can really imagine that your heart is broken, and of course you need some time to find days that will be better.
We will all be here and wait for you when you are ready to get back and share your amazing talent with us all, but please take your time, we will wait for sure.

It was a beautiful picture you took of a special and "difficult" moment. Thank you for sharing.

Hope there will be better days for you soon, just take care of your self and your family.

*hugs

Denise Laborde said...

Sorry for your loss. Granparents are special people. Bises, D

punkysue said...

wow. what a tough month it has been for you. =(
dont be too sad though, after all 90 birthdays isnt too common lately.
sorry for your loss =(

teacher jessy said...

Sending you love & hugs!! Sorry for your loss.

Mireille said...

I am sooo sorry sweetie!
Big big hugs to you!!

Wati Basri said...

sha, time is all that matters to heal those wounds..i know you could do that...hugs babe!! coffee one of these days, ok!

Staci said...

Oh sasha, i'm so so sorry, my friend. It IS so hard to let go of those we love and who have been such a big part of our lives. Take your time, girl, grief doesn't come easy. I'm glad you got to shoot the funeral, though, as hopefully that gave you a little bit of peace. Thinking of you, girl!!

AyinEmran said...

*hugshugs*

Cindy said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. I hope time will heal your heartache. Hugs to you, Sasha.

Kiwi The Kreator said...

i'm so sorry for your loss! i'll be praying for you to heal!

Astrid Zwaan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, time will heal your heart.
Sending you my love en condolences.

Astrid
The Netherlands

P.S.
Thanks for your sweet words on my blog I want to thank you for your kind words, on my blog.

ania said...

*hugs*
(and I hope I don't insult you (but then again, you know me????) but the photo is so beautiful, it's such a fascinating and really beautiful tradition... ugh *hugs again* :P

Vicki C said...

Shasha.. I have had you on my mind so much. I feel your pain friend. Loosing someone who you love so much and has been a part of your life from the begining..is SO hard.
Keep all those precious memories of her in your heart... you'll have those forever! Hugs friend!

Benga said...

My condolences to you dearie. It's trully heartbreaking. Thanks for the hugs too and my thoughts are with you as well.
Take care.

Danielle said...

So sorry to hear about your loss, Sasha. Big hugs to you.
Danielle

sharon Ong said...

Big hugs. And an extra special thank you for a great job even in the midst of all these difficulties. Hug hug.

coravre said...

I'm so sorry and I think of you. Take care of you and your family.

Sasha said...

I am hear praying for your heart and mind to have peace. I understand all to well. I love you girl ..

take all the time you NEED FOR YOU.

Brenda Hurd said...

I am so sorry sweetie - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Miss you! xoxo

jazsutra said...

My condolence. u takecare ;)-jaz

Merdrey said...

*hugs* =)

Melonie said...

Oh Sasha I haven't been a very good bloggy friend. I am just reading this and I am soooo sorry. Praying that your heart heals quickly. (((HUGS))))

dannigirl said...

i am so sorry for your loss. i will be praying for you and your family.
~danni p

Peggy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Sasha. I'll be thinking of you and I'm sending some hugs love your way.
xxx Peggy

eMeLiNe Seet said...

sweet friend , HUGE HUGS ! :(

volunteer work India said...

I’m sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Carol Ann said...

I'm so sorry to read of your gran passing my thoughts are with you. cherish the memories happy and sad they are all part of your growing up. These are the things that can never be taken away from us. Your heart will hurt but each day as you remember each treasured moment you will begin to heal. Hugs xxx

decorating fabric said...

So sorry to hear this, I hope your okay. Let’s just be happy from wherever she is right now.

Anna Sigga said...

I am so sorry for your loss!!

Take care hun!{{{hugs}}}

Anilu Magloire said...

Sending you the biggest hug...