- So last night, 10pm, I was getting ready for bed. I suddenly realized that my heart is beating too fast that it's becoming uncomfortable, almost painful. I tried calming down - I wasn't even excited about anything except well, sleeping - I love sleep! No go. Not helping, the stubborn heart continued to race in my chest.
- Then my brain started formulating nonsense.
- What if I'm about to have a heart attack? What if I die? Shall I call someone to come over in the morning to send my children to school? Which is totally illogical you see. Going to school should be the least of their worry if their mother is dead.
- Then, I started thinking, what will happen to them when I'm no longer around? Who will supervise homework? Who will make sure they go to bed on time? Who will nag them to clean their room, empty the trash, wash their shoes? Because you see, around here, in the 'good cop bad cop' scenario, I'm the bad cop. I'm always around for the not so fun stuff.
- What if what if what if.
- In the end, I didn't sleep at all, because of this insane fear that if I sleep, I might never wake up. I managed to develop a monstrous headache + fever in the process, then, I showered at 4am.
- Went to check on my children - both of them have not been feeling very well since the night before. Fed them their meds, popped a couple for myself as well and we all went back to bed where I embraced sleep like a long lost soulmate.
- I never want to repeat last night again. Never.
- Now that we got the fear of dying out of the way, let's pay attention to this wonderful, wonderful world of ours. :) I promise you I'm not crazy - I just need to put those down 'on paper' or so to speak. I need to remember that it's not my 'place' to worry about things like that. Things happen for a reason and when my time comes, there's nothing I can do about it.
- My happy place - Hard Rock Hotel, Penang Malaysia.
- Airmail washi - my current favorite. I want to use bits of it on everything these days. Everyday Life Button - another favorite. In fact, a lot of favorites here on this page. So apt for a layout about this wonderful world.
- Confession - I botched the title stamping once, then flipped the cardstock and started over. :)
- If you're still here, thank you. This post is wordy, I know. But I want my blog to not only be the place of sunshine, rainbows and multi colored ponies - but also a place of fear, sleepless nights and failures. :)
xoxo
